Safely Leaving an Abusive Relationship Requires Planning

Leaving a relationship that has largely been healthy is difficult enough, but one where manipulation and abuse developed into mainstays can actually become deadlier when the victimized partner tries to leave. Here is some important information on how to protect yourself when you are leaving a violent, abusive relationship. Leaving takes time, and it is best done before the situation worsens. Being prepared legally, mentally, and physically all require forethought and planning.

Domestic violence is no longer confined to only heterosexual couples, but now includes any relationship, so this information can also assist anyone involved in a relationship where they are being abused and want to leave. The majority of this article focuses on heterosexual couples but anyone in abusive relationship deserves support that facilitates safely leaving and starting a new life.

Law enforcement now sees abuse towards one partner in a domestic union as a criminal offense. This does not mean leaving such a relationship has gotten any easier. Abuse includes physical harm, such as beating, hitting, slapping, scratching, hair-pulling, and anything else that involves using a woman's body to control her actions, thoughts, or other activities.

Abuse can also involve manipulation, or threats regarding a woman's health and well-being, her children, pets, belongings, money, legal documents (titles, contracts, etc.), or anything else that matters to her. To the person abusing her, gaining control of these things equals retaining control of her, too. Mental abuse and manipulation are also quite involved in the majority of abusive relationships and help continue the pattern of behaviors.

Legally
Legal protection includes assets, children, and requirements given to her by a judge during divorce proceedings. Gaining a protective order (PO) does not always result in real-life protection. Too often, a PO serves only as a formal warning to calm down, or get sneakier, in some cases, to the abusive partner.

If a woman goes to a domestic violence shelter, she may not have access to the courts to petition for emergency custody of the couple's minor children. Many times, the abuser uses this to gain custody of the children and then force the woman to come back, or punishes her by keeping her from seeing the children at all.

Having a custody order in place before leaving can prevent this from taking place and keep the children with her, instead. Doing so also protects the children from harmful disruptions, especially during a time when they most likely are already in a state of bewilderment at leaving home and entering the shelter. Discussing the matter with an attorney can help obtain an emergency custody order from a judge before going to the shelter. Having evidence of abuse that is presented to the judge can help significantly. Visitation should be outlined in the petition to also protect the children.

Psychologically
Abusive patterns in a relationship rarely appear at the relationship's beginning stages. Instead, abuse starts slowly and wears away at a person's sense of self. This can cause many women in this situation to doubt if the abuse is really as bad as it feels to her. This doubt, as well as concerns over the financial impact leaving might cause, can keep many from leaving in the earlier stages of abuse.

Unless the abusive husband seeks help with anger management and other traits that lead to abusive behaviors, the abuse may never stop. Wives cannot control their husbands, no matter how much better they act, perform in bed, cook, clean, or anything else. Realizing that she can control only her reaction to his abuse and not stop it except by removing herself from the situation can put her ahead of the next violent outburst.

Being abused is never the victim's fault, or a result of failure to do this or that. Abuse is the result of someone refusing to control himself. Showing an abused wife how her husband only targets her and not other women, his boss, his sisters, mother, aunts, female cousins, neighbors, and others, including other men, may make her realize that he controls his behavior in all those other situations.

Abuse is largely a result of wanting to gain, and then continually maintain, control over another person. However, it is each individual's right and responsibility to control their own actions.

Physically
When an abusive spouse realizes that he is going to lose control over his wife, things can quickly escalate. This is the most dangerous time in a relationship for an abused woman, making it crucial for her safety to do so in a manner that provides her the most protection. Just like the legal and psychological aspects, an abused wife needs to leave for a place of safety where her abusive husband cannot reach her.

If her husband works in law enforcement, local government, or military, her task in obtaining a safe new start becomes more complicated but doing so remains possible. She may need to gather more evidence to show her need to appear in front of special judges to start her divorce or separation.

Physical protection, such as a gun or a knife, can seriously backfire against a woman in a bad marriage. Not only can such weapons be taken away from her and then used against her, causing her injury or death instead of giving her the protection she needs, these items can also land her in jail. Maiming or killing an abusive husband all too often results in prosecution against the woman, as the mindset of police and prosecutors all too often falls back on the 'she could have left instead' mentality.

The best option for a woman in a physically violent relationship to protect herself from additional injury is to keep distance between herself and the abusive husband. Locking herself in a room and calling the police can help protect her as well as get additional evidence of marital assaults. The time he sits in jail before being released can give her the perfect opportunity to leave while also filing for custody of the children, protective orders for herself, and the initial divorce petition.

Preparing to Leave
Keeping things ready and letting friends know can help a woman leave. Much of the shame that accompanied the stigma of being a domestic violence victim held fast because of the common habit of blaming the wife for her abuse - “if you did such-and-such better, I would never hit you” is an example. Now, there is no reason to not let friends and family know, especially when much of the support needed to leave can come from these circles.

The best way to leave such a situation is the one that works and keeps her and her children safe. One way that worked for one woman may not be the right fit for another. Most often, doing so unexpectedly can also help a woman succeed in leaving. All too often, not being prepared forces a woman to reconcile and return to an abusive husband. Being prepared with money gained by selling jewelry or other items around the home, a loan from family or friends, or any other source can make things easier.

Supplies such as an extra tank of gas stored in the garage can help drive to a friend's home on the other side of town. Creatively coming up with ideas can seem difficult, and this is why having supportive friends and family members come up with ideas can help immensely. If a woman has become isolated to the extent this seems unlikely, domestic violence shelter staff can also help.

Another aspect of leaving that many women face comes after the fact. Once they leave, there is nobody controlling her behavior. No one to please, or to fear. This may sound like a good thing, but to someone who has endured years of abuse can find herself confused and feeling like everything is now out of control, and this can be a source of aggravation and confusion. Counseling about this new obstacle can help a woman maneuver through her new life, and succeed in staying free of abuse.

Leptin Diets - How do They Work?

The latest rage in dieting is leptin diets. Change a bit of your diet, do a few exercises a week, and get better results than with traditional diets. So what's the catch? Is there one? Well, for those who are used to yo-yo diets that get them a few pounds lighter but then have the problem of the weight returning, the leptin-based diet might be the thing to do the trick. Permanently.

Here's an article I wrote about it.

What Are Leptid-Focused Diets?

These type of diets give women an option that they didn't have before. Previously, women were stuck with diets that were really tailored for men's physiology, instead of their own, resulting in them either becoming stick-thin without any curves, overly muscled, or even with more weight gain. Because these programs are made specifically for women, women often have a much higher success rate with them than they might with other programs. Most last for about 12 weeks, and by then, you don't really have to adhere to them, as your eating and exercise habits have changed.

These programs are made to work with all women, including the busy mom and the over-worked executive who feels she really has no time for herself. Other women with slower-paced lives will be able to read the book and also watch the CD instead of keeping to only one or the other.

Hormones determine if a person is a man, or a woman, and one of these hormones is present in both men and women, but works a bit differently for women than it does men. This is because women are more susceptible to environmental factors in their diets. Leptin is a hormone produced by the body's fat cells, not by a gland, as most other hormones are produced, that helps determine not only how hungry we feel, but also how quickly fat is burned off. Because men have more testosterone in their bodies than women do, they need more energy than women, and their leptin levels are much better self-regulated. Women, however, don't have as much muscle mass. Sometimes this can make women's bodies more leptin-resistant, which means they will eat more than they should have to before they feel satisfied. It can also cause fat to be burned off much more slowly.

New research shows how leptin works in the body, and also which kinds of foods decreased leptin-resistance. This research, when combined with exercises that help tone different areas of the body without adding excess bulkiness, can create a fantastic diet and health regimen. With increased exercise, muscle needs more calories, and creates a backdrop that sculpts the body the way it is meant to be, but in a feminine way.

When a diet reduces the amount of calories taken in beyond a certain point, the diet not only makes the person feel sluggish and tired, but it also becomes counter-productive. When the body believes it is being starved, it refuses to give up the fat stored in the lipid cells. When this happens, weight loss stops and the person plateaus, and can only seem to gain weight after that. This very often leads to yo-yo dieting, which can be extremely bad for your health.

What Can a Leptin-Focused Diet Help With

These types of diets are designed to help with gaining a more womanly figure, to enhance the curves women are known for, but there are other benefits that should be known. These include

• feeling more confident,
• having better posture,
• feeling healthier overall,
• having healthy, glowing skin,
• increased strength and endurance,
• lowered risk of osteoporosis,
• better insulin regulation, and
• better thyroid regulation.

Women who can wear clothing that accentuates their curves well, and who also have better posture because of reduced weight and increased muscle tone than what they did previously look more confident, and they also feel more confident. This can help improve anyone's life in so many different areas, from relationships to career advancement. The increased strength and endurance from better nutrition and better eating habits helps lower the risk of osteoporosis later on in life by increasing bone density. When muscle increases in mass, it must have more locations on which to attach to the bone. This, and the fact that bone that is accustomed to bearing weight or stress is much more durable helps fight osteoporosis and bone breakage. Leptin regulation also helps your health by improving self-regulation of insulin production and also your thyroid activity.

Unlocking The Power Of a Leptin-Focused Diet

So when you put all of this information together and use it daily, you start to feel better before you see results in the mirror. You'll also notice that your clothes feel more comfortable before you really notice them fitting better. Pretty soon, after just a couple of weeks, you'll probably be ready to wear that outfit you've promised yourself for the longest time. Many women are surprisingly ready for this just after a short a period of time. That's because this isn't just about dieting and women's weight loss, but about eating the right way for a woman and combining it with the right kind of exercises.

Food, Meals, and Snacks Lots of salads and protein-rich snacks with healthy fats make up the diet. You can plan on eating a lot fewer carbohydrates in the way of processed flours and an elimination of fast foods. You can expect to increase the number of meals of raw or slightly steamed veggies, lean chicken dishes with rich but fat-free sauces, and tuna and salmon, which will keep you full for a long time. Snacks change from cake an pie and processed packaged goodies to nuts and seeds like almonds, walnuts, sunflower, chia seeds, and linseed, fruit and yogurt combos and sweeteners of raw (not brown) sugar and honey. Other foods include cheeses, whole grain breads, mushrooms, beans, eggs, brightly colored fruits (these have higher levels of flavinoids, as well as other benefits), and low-fat dairy products.

Artificial sweeteners are actually counter-productive to weight loss because when the brain expects a spike in energy from the sweet taste's signal and it fails to get it, it sends the body a strong message to not release any fat, and to store any excess fat found to make up for the perceived deficit. Unless you're diabetic, you really should avoid these. Newer scientific studies have thrown the debate up in the air again about if they cause cancer or not, but the facts seem pretty concrete about their ability to make people gain more weight instead of losing it.

The changes in your diet with these diets often help increase your levels of Leptin so that more fat is burned, less is stored, and you feel fuller quicker. When you feel less hungry, then you eat less, but the nutrient-rich diet keeps your body going better than your previous eating habits could.

Exercising is a Part of Life, Not Just a Program Exercising is, or should be, a part of everyone's life. It keeps your bones strong, too, while it increases the strength and suppleness of your muscles. It's good for your heart, as well as your skin. It increases blood flow and opens up capillaries throughout your entire body, helping the blood bring nutrients to your cells and also helps them take wastes away, keeping toxins to a minimum.

Exercise also increases your Leptin levels while decreasing your Leptin-resistance, if you've built one up. This is because exercise on a regular basis will jump-start your metabolism. When this happens, your body realizes that while you're consuming fats, carbohydrates, and other sources of energy, it isn't being stored as fat, but is being used up instead. As you continually pump food in, and exercise the energy off, while your body is soaking up the nutrients, your body realizes it isn't in starvation mode any more, and can 'wake up' and function like it is supposed to.

The exercises aren't difficult, either. They aren't simply to get your body moving, and slowly increase your muscle strength, but to help regulate your Leptin levels through the continued need for energy instead of storing that energy as fat, and to also help shape your more-feminine body over a well-toned musculature. The exercises are given in three different stages, with each stage a bit more difficult than the last one. Never do an exercise of any type if it causes you pain. Pain is a symptom that something isn't right, and something that causes it should be avoided. Talk to your doctor if you experience pain during exercising. The adage 'no pain, no gain' means the sensation of burning often experienced in the muscles after exercising, not during. Strains, sprains and torn ligaments and muscles should never be disregarded or chalked up as being just a part of getting fitter.

A few times a week, you should be lifting various sized weights, in several sets of 10 to 30, depending on your level, and also engaging in resistance exercises. These build lean muscle mass, while burning off energy from the food you've eaten and then some of the fat already being stored. Results don't happen overnight, but a more womanly figure full of curves starts to develop quickly.

These results, plus the fact that you won't feel starved or deprived, help keep you strongly motivated. This program is for any woman who wants to have a more feminine figure, not just those who want to lose weight. Even if you're stick thin, this diet is for you. It will help you improve your overall health and create a better figure that is must more suited to wearing more feminine clothing.

So one good thing about this that I didn't include is that you're expected to have cheat meals on a fairly regular basis, at least once a week. You never feel deprived with this kind of diet. It simply changes your bad diet habits for good habits, instead of eliminating what often feels like everything that has any taste Here, you're expected to eat what does taste good, instead. If you're interested in reading more about these types of diets, you can often find free e-books here at Amazon.

Don't forget to get your free Kindle Reader, too. Amazon.com - Read eBooks using the FREE Kindle Reading App on Most Devices

It's good for your computer, iPhone and a couple other devices. There are many different kinds of free e-books coming out all the time. I've gotten myself quite a library already, and only paid for a few books. When you download the ebook reader, Amazon doesn't charge you anything, but they do send me $3, which helps to support my blogs.

Well, all of the tours I have given so far have been pretty informal, and were mainly of downtown. I'd rather take people on tours to the outlying areas instead, like to the holes in the dry river bed west of Santa Cruz. For some reason, nobody seems to want to visit there, lol. But to me, every large city is pretty much the same - tall buildings, museums, fancy restaurants, theaters, shopping centers, but most of the tours avoid the real culture centers like they're the plague. I don't understand why nobody wants to take an adventure, have to rely on themselves to bring their own food, pee behind a tree, and have relaxed fun away from the hustle and bustle of a large city. Money-wise, I;ve made a little, enough to be considered decent by my standards, but most likely not anyone else's. But that was all by touring downtown, nothing that was adventurous in the outlying areas.

Gmail Made More Templates? What About for Blogger?

I think that's great, but what happened to the template I chose for this one? I ended up with the old, plain, basic one. Which is fine, it'll work, but I clicked on another one. I had chosen 'Picture Window' by Josh Peterson. But unless you're seeing something else, there was a glitch somewhere. I'll figure it out. 'Picture Window' wasn't one of the five new ones in the post I read, though, on the Gmail Blog, because it's for Gmail, not Blogger. But out of the five they listed, I think I like the last one the best, if they made it for Blogger (hint hint) but that would be for another type of blog (not this one), like my son's homeschool blog (that I desperately need to post in, by the way). Very 'unprofessional' as they wrote, but I think it's also very cool, very artistic, and very outside the box. Perfect for our homeschool. So how about it? Can we ever get the same themes for Gmail as we do for Blogger, and vice versa? Please?

My Latest Take on Working from Home

Providing guided tours in Bolivia is my latest idea. It's something I can tailor exactly how I want, and from my state, Indiana, there is no licensing. I don't have to register anything with the state, and when I turn a profit, that's when I get to file taxes on it. Until then, it's only a hobby. I'm a single mom, almost 44 years old, and have already been to Bolivia once. The first tour I am giving will cover the same route my son and I took ourselves. It was an absolute thrill to be there, and very liberating, on many levels.

I guess this post is two secrets in one. With being a guide, I'm going to make some mistakes, I know I will, but I'm willing to try. That is what so many posts I have been reading about on Bnet have been about lately. Go out there and TRY. Even if you fail, you've still learned, as long as you kept your eyes open. One post was about how you can't really have success without having at least some failure mixed in. I think that's true, but I still want to keep failure to a minimum, a very low minimum, I might add. The other secret is that I'd like this first trip to be mainly women, or couples, single moms, older women like me who don't feel it's necessary to 'grow up' to be mature and responsible, younger girls who want to do something before college, or while taking a semester off... Those early grads are quite welcome, too, by the way. This would be a great vacation alternative to Florida, even though we are leaving from Miami, a nice little trip way off the beaten path, and yes, it is safe there, no more unsafe than anywhere else you might go. You do have to take in the fact that the USA government is upset with Bolivia's Evo (the president there) position on growing coca, which they've done for forever, and don't see a reason to quit. The USA government isn't too happy about it, and it shows.

Like I said, I'm almost 44, and going to Bolivia was the most fantastic thing I've ever done, besides having my kids, of course! We loved it there, and we'd love to show others how beautiful 'somewhere else' can be. If you are interested, you can look at our other website here.